Times must be really bad for the celebrity sex tape industry. Back in the day, celebs like Pam Anderson were all the rage. The most talked about sex tape these days involves 2-foot-8 Austin Powers series star Verne Troyer.
E News Online tells us Troyer is having problems copyrighting his sex tape with former girlfriend Ranae Shrider. Apparently he needs to find a copy of the tape to be able to copyright and Shrider has been less than helpful. If Troyer can get the copyright,he can at least try to halt its distribution. Boy, does Simply Dumb wish him luck in those efforts.
She claims some guy came up to the curb of the home she used to share with Mini-Me and offered her $5,000 for the tape. She didn’t get his real name, she said, so she doesn’t how to get the tape. Of course, Troyer has slapped her with a $20 million lawsuit making her less than cooperative.
Of all the numerous things that sound questionable here, I am hoping she at least is lying about what she got for the tape. If you’re going to sell your dignity, at least walk away from the deal with a decent amount of money.
Look, I’m as surprised as anybody there’s a market for a Verne Troyer sex tape, but $5,000 won’t even cover her legal fees. I’m pretty sure Shrider got- sigh, I can’t help myself- shortchanged.
Continuing what has suddenly become Weird Animal Week at Simply Dumb, the Associated Press brings us a tale of a 111-year-old tuatara that has impregnated his mate.
The tuatara is a reptile considered to be one of the last remaining remnants of the dinosaurs. It’s a good thing his ancestors weren’t this good at reproduction or they’d have the run of the place. Henry and his younger mate Mildred (a spry lass between 70 and 80) have a dozen eggs after mating at New Zealand’s Southland Museum. The tuatara curator said Henry hadn’t had any interest in sex until a cancerous growth was removed from his genitalia. Gee, imagine that. I don’t imagine too many lady tuataras were interested before then either.
Henry is now living the good life with not one, not two, but three lady friends. Geez, this wrinkled old reptile is just like Hugh Hefner. Well, except Henry is younger.
Image by Dick Dangerous licensed under Creative Commons.
I swear that even on my best day I’m not sure I could make up some of these stories. In keeping with our (unplanned) animal theme this week, we’ve got a story for you from Acapulco, Mexico.
A woman was riding a donkey with her 7-year-old niece when a lion jumped out and attacked the donkey’s legs. Afraid the lion was going to attack her niece, the woman repeatedly struck at the lion. With a machete.
The lion ran away. It was eventually sedated, but not before it killed two dogs and ate a pig. (Mmmm, bacon - even lions can’t resist it.) The animal had escaped from a private zoo.
Not the first time animals have escaped zoos. Anyone else think that maybe zoos aren’t such a good thing anymore? I admit, we went as children and there were animals we would have never seen without it. But still, not so sure about them anymore.
ESPN reports a group of USA Olympic cyclists showed up in Summer Olympic site Beijing, notorious for its thick, polluted air, wearing protective masks Tuesday. After many Chinese considered the masks an outrage, the team members apologized today.
Beijing has put into play numerous pollution cutting measures including reducing cars on the road. Because hey, they have to clean the air up since the nation’s going to be on international TV for a month. Olympic athletes and the nation’s public perception (which is so good right now) have to be protected.
As far as regular citizens? You guys don’t deserve to breathe. Be glad they’ve postponed the ritual dissident executions for three weeks while the world is watching. Um, why did we agree to hold the Olympic Games someplace most of the athletes may not be able to breathe again? What was the backup choice, Chernobyl?
Image by Bruce in Beijing licensed under Creative Commons.
“Hello, 911? Yes, I’d like to report a crime.”
“A crime, sir? What happened? Is anyone hurt? Do you need an ambulance?”
“No, I’m okay. But my sandwich isn’t. It doesn’t have any sauce.”
“I’m sorry, you say your sandwich doesn’t have sauce, and that’s why you’re calling us?”
“Yes, I want officers to come and make them do my sandwich correctly.”
“Um, sir, this number is for actual emergencies. You know, life-and-death situations. Unless someone at that shop has a knife or gun to your head, this is not an emergency.”
“You don’t understand, I wanted sauce! And they refused to give it to me! I want someone to make them do it right!” Click. Read More
No, we are really not joking here though we wish we were. Reuters reports that JetBlue, a company famous for providing passengers perks like free television and leather seats, is raising prices to cope with fuel costs.
The airline will no longer provide pillows free of charge and in fact will begin selling a pillow and blanket kit for $7. It’s OK though, because the pillow and blanket are extremely eco-friendly according to the airline.
The kit is made by CleanBrands LLC, and is supposedly “the world’s cleanest” due to its, wait for it, toxin-blocking fabric. Well, gosh, I take everything I just blogged back. That’s obviously worth seven bucks. Why, it’s a deal even at $10. Passengers who buy the kit also get a coupon for $5 off purchases at Bed Bath & Beyond Inc. It figures, you buy a ridiculously overpriced pillow and your reward is a coupon that will allow you to buy another ridiculously overpriced pillow when you get home.
Image by annamariahorner licensed under Creative Commons.
Discovery News reports that scientists have found the world’s smallest snake under a rock on Barbados.Leptotyphlops carlae, a Caribbean threadsnake,is as thin as a spaghetti noodle and has a body small enough to fit on a U.S. quarter. The snake measures 3.9 inches and unfortunately is considered to be in grave danger. At that tiny size, almost any animal can be a predator for the snake including spiders, scorpions or even Danny Devito.
Blair Hedges, an evolutionary biologist at Penn State University is pretty good at this sort of thing. Previously he discovered the world’s smallest frog and lizard on Caribbean islands. He thinks if the threadsnake were any smaller, its young wouldn’t have anything to eat.
Even the snake’s reproductive habits are unusual. Whereas a lot of snakes lay up to 100 eggs at a time, this threadsnake lays only a single egg half the size of the mother. Man, no one said motherhood was easy.
There’s a new dolphin in town. Okay, scratch that. Scientists have discovered a new species of dolphin. It has been dubbed the world’s ugliest dolphin due to its bulbous head. It’s unique to the waters near Australia and this is a breakthrough discovery.
The dolphin was originally thought to be the declining irrawaddy dolphin. It was hard to distinguish because they are quite shy and run away from human contact. But some lucky researchers stumbled across them and even got some footage:
Poor little dolphin, everyone hating on him because he has a funny face and big nose. Not everyone can be Flipper. Sheesh![Source: Life in the Fast Lane]
The Dallas Morning News reports James “Buster” McKay died Saturday from injuries he sustained, police believe, attempting to steal copper wire from a utility pole. Dallas police received a call about 4:30 a.m. Friday about a man who appeared to be stuck on the pole near the Dallas/Irving border. Utility company Oncor received a call about an outage at around the same time and restored power. Police believe McKay may have grabbed a wire during the power restoration.
Crews responding found McKay with his skin melded to the pole after receiving an estimated 7,000 volts of electricity, possibly twice. He suffered third-degree burns and was burned over 50 percent of his body Much of McKay’s clothing had either burned off or been blown off. Ow. As Super Dave Osborne might say, record pain.
Police estimate the incident caused some $10,000 in damage and of course McKay’s death. Had he lived to profit from his attempt, police say they found $50 worth of copper on the ground beside McKay. Yeah, that was totally worth it, dude.
The crazy is out in force, y’all. An Ohio woman was arrested after she threatened her husband with knives. She chased him down the street. While naked.
Elizabeth Springer was in the bath with her 1-year-old daughter when her husband, Ryan, heard the girl crying. He thought that his wife was trying to harm the little girl, so he took the child and went into another room. It was shortly after that when Elizabeth came at him with a knife in each hand.
If your spouse comes at you with a crazed look in his or her eye, wielding two knives? Run. Barricade yourself in another room if you need to. But don’t try to disarm them alone. Ryan was bitten several times and stabbed twice in the thigh before running to another house for help. Lord knows why he left the child in the house if his wife was that crazy AND he already thought she’d tried to harm their daughter.
The woman ran after her husband - still naked from the bath - and tried to kick out a screen in the other home. They eventually disarmed her and she ran off. Police found her in the bushes at her house. Still naked.
It took three officers to restrain her, including using pepper spray on her. They covered her with a blanket and tossed her in the back of a police unit, where she tried to kick out a window. She bent part of the door frame, people. The article doesn’t mention how big this woman is, but either she’s a very large, muscular woman, or she was totally high on something. The article mentioned alcohol, but I don’t think I’ve heard of anyone acting like this on alcohol. People go berserk on stronger things than that.
She was charged with felonious assault, child endangerment, aggravated burglary and vandalism (for the police car). What, no indecent exposure?
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